The Symposium Equation
by TempestJo
Summary: Sheldon gets two tickets to a coveted event, but must bring a female...
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Yes, I know, I'm starting another story! Don't worry, I havn't abandoned my other, but this idea would not leave me alone!**

Sheldon poked at his food, with an uncharacteristic glumness.. He was often perterbed, or suspicious of hid, and often poked at it, but rarely, was he glum.

He had no reason to be glum.

He was one of the most intelligent humans on the planet.

But today, he was definitely glum.

"What's wrong with your food?" Leonard asked with an irritated sigh.

"Aside from the fact I don't think the food attendants wore gloves when they prepared it?" Sheldon asked.

Leonard sighed again.

Raj and Howard continued to shovel food in their mouths, knowing any conversation in this topic was likely to be short only if they were silent.

It was a bit of a surprise when Leslie Winkle stopped at the table.

It was more of a suprise when she did not open with a derisive comment about their recent paintball failure.

It was a total shock when she suddenly turned to Sheldon, and asked him how he was today.

WITHOUT addressing him as "Dr. Dumbass"...

Sheldon continued to poke at his plate in silence, while the others stared at her like she'd been body snatched.

"I see you've heard." Sheldon said politely, when it became obvious nobody else was going to respond.

"That you've been given the last two coveted tickets to the Nobel Laureates Symposium next weekend, with the direct order to keep the 'numbers' even and bring a female?" Leslie nodded. "Yes."

"No doubt you wish to attend." Sheldon remarked sourly.

"I am available, if you are unable to find another escort." She nodded. "I will await your text message."

With that, she wandered away.

Three pairs of eyes shifted to Sheldon instantaneously.

"YOU got invited?" Leonard squeaked. He'd had his eye on those tickets for months. "Are you sure you have to bring a girl?"

Maybe there was a way yet that he could get in..

"Yes, it must be a female, and of our species, and not biologically related to me." Sheldon sighed. "I already asked. I've been told to bring a female, or forfeit the tickets."

"Who gets the tickets if you forfeit?" Raj asked instantly.

"Kripke." Sheldon replied sourly. "I therefore must not forfeit the tickets."

"Well then." Howard said simply. "You have a few options.." He stared blankly at the table for a moment. "One option." He prepared to stuff more food in his mouth. "Hire a hooker... Unless you want to take Leslie?"

Sheldon shuddered in response. "Neither of those options appeal to me, as the symposium is being held out at a lake resort, and the invitations come with one room only. I cannot afford the second room necessary should I take either of those."

Making one final poke at his food, he stood up and carried it to garbage, dumping it, and placing it on the stack of trays to be washed.

Why must life be so difficult?

Leaving the others without saying goodbye, as he often did, (he would see them later, what was the point?) he walked purposefully to his office, where he cleared off a whiteboard and picked up a pen.

He really wanted to go to the Symposium.

It was only bad luck that this year it was being organised and run by a Laureate with a wife who enjoyed dinner parties, and had deemed that this would just be a large dinner party.

Equal number of men and women.

Therefore, each woman had to bring a man, each man a woman.

Unless said person were of the homosexual persuasion, in which case their spouse would be simply considered to be their opposite, and the numbers would still be said to be equal.

Those without others were told to find some.

Sisters were not permitted as dates, nor mothers.

He hadn't asked about cousins, but the director had said, "No one biologically related to you."

Cousins were out.

Not that he had any he'd invite.

Slowly he uncapped the pen, and leaned forward into his thinking pose, one hand resting on the top of the board.

So the equation was this.

_Att. NOBEL SYM. = SLC PHDx2 + SF_

He stared at it.

Solve for SF. Single Female.

He knew only a few.

He wrote...

_Leslie Winkle_

_Amy Farrah Fowler_

_Leonards mom_

_Penny_

_Bernadette_

_Stephanie_

He stared at the names.

He did not know many women.

He looked at his equation again. Single Females.

He crossed Leonards mom off the list. She was currently dating the pool boy.

He crossed Bernadette off the list. Also dating.

He added a qualifier to his original equation.

Att. NOBEL SYM. = SLC PHDx2 + SF + 1 rm poss/ 1 bd. 62 hrs.

He crossed Leslie, and Stephanie off the list.

He'd rather stay home and watch Kripke go then spend 62 hours in sharing a bed space with Leslie or Stephanie, though it might be nice to have a medical doctor on call.

He had two names left.

Amy Farrah Fowler would be good company, though she considered Neuroscience to be above Physics, definitely a con when you are hoping to get nominated for a Nobel in that area some day soon.

Penny.. Knew his quirks and he had shared space with her before, not the same bed, but she had practially lived in their apartment while dating Leonard, and when it came to physics, she automatically assumed he was right.

A definite plus.

On top of that, three days with Penny could possibly be bearable, while two hours with Amy Farrah Fowler had him retreating to his room for space.. He liked her mind, but did not feel inclined to sleep in the same area as her.

He scratched her off the list.

"Penny it is."

He glanced at his watch. Time to go home. Penny would be just getting home as well. He'd better inform her of the situation so that she might have enough time to pack.

The symposium was not till next weekend, but Penny took an inordinately long time to pack.

And she'd need some new clothes, her clubbing attire was not suitable.

He sighed suddenly.

No doubt he'd have to consent to letting her choose him some new clothes if he intended on choosing hers.

He stiffened his shoulders.

It must be done.

He must attend this symposium!


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I made up the resort, though I'm sure somewhere there is a Golden Lake, and it probably has a resort on it. **

CH

*knock knock knock* Penny.  
*knock knock knock* Penny.  
*knock knock knock* Penny.

She sighed and turned to the door.

She'd just got home, from the day from hell, and was exhausted.

There was nothing she wanted more than a bubble bath and a bottle of wine and a hot nearly naked man on TV.

Warily she opened her door, to the man who was on the other side of the door. "Yes Sheldon?"

He blinked. "May I come in?"

She stepped away from the door and watched him stalk into the room.

Not a short question then.

The vision of the bath seemed farther away than ever.

"Penny, would you go to a symposium with me?" He asked suddenly, after arranging himself in his spot on her couch. He'd long given up on the chair and she wasn't sure why, but she didn't really want to know either.

She was used to sitting beside him, it felt weird to sit across from him now...

"A what?" She replied.

He looked at her earnestly. "A symposium. More specifically, the Nobel Laureates Symposium."

She blinked.

She had no idea what that was.

"A what?" She repeated.

He sighed. "A conference of sorts. I've got two tickets, hotel room and meals are included, and.."

She interrupted him suddenly. "Hotel room?"

"Yes." He replied, wrinkling his forehead.

She stepped closer, hope in her eyes. "WHERE is this symposium?"

He leaned back, unsure why she was coming closer. "At Golden Lake Resort."

Her eyes lit up.

Golden Lake Resort..

She'd always wanted to go... But it was way out her budget.. Now she was being handed an invitation.. "Yes."

He looked startled.

"But you havn't heard all the details yet!" He protested, alarmed at her quick decision.

He'd come prepared to beg.

"Ok." She sat beside him, bath forgotten. "Tell me the details."

He cleared his throat and turned his head to face her. "It's three days.."

"Yes." She replied again.

He frowned.

"With black tie dinners, followed by and preceded by discussions with the brightest minds of our time.."

"Yes." She repeated.

He stared at her. "We have to share a room and I am unsure how many beds will be in it."

She only paused a fraction of a second. "Yes."

"They will all think you are my girlfriend."

"Yes."

"Yes?"

She rolled her eyes and took a deep breath. "Sheldon. I need a break. I need to get away from here. I can't afford it. I've always wanted to go to that resort. I'll sleep in the garden shed if I have to, I want to go!"

Sheldon smiled.

Her actually wanting to go was going to make this next request so much easier...

"You have to buy new clothes."

"What?"

He repeated. "You have to buy new clothes. The ones you have are not appropriate for black tie affairs."

Penny's mind caught on the word affair and she giggled for a second.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing." She shook her head. "I'll go shopping tomorrow."

"I need to come." He replied.

"What?" She asked.

"I want to approve your choices." He said.

She got that look on her face that suggested she was going to punch him in the throat, and he quickly added "Also, I need your help choosing suitable attire for myself."

She looked at him suspiciously.

"We should match." He said uncomfortably. "Couples match do they not?" Then he looked sadder. "I doubt we can find you a dress to match my plaid suit."

"Thank GOD." Penny announced.

They stared at each other for a second, and then she nodded again. "Yes."

For a three night trip to Golden Lake Resort, she'd wear whatever he wanted her to wear...

The next day was Saturday, and Sheldon found himself in yet another store.

"Penny, ALL of these clothes are not acceptable." He moaned.

"Why? I think they're cute!" She answered, spinning in front of the mirror in a pale blue dress with a plunging neckline.

"Penny." He chose his words carefully, because she did look good, and he needed her to go with him rather badly. "I don't want the older Nobel Laureates to have heart attacks before I even get to talk to them."

She stopped spinning. "Oh. I look that hot?"

He looked at his shoes.

She sighed. "Ok, you pick the store."

He smiled.

The next store they went to was a much classier place in Sheldon's opinion.

Penny started dragging her feet as soon as she saw it.

"Talk about granny wear." She muttered under her breath.

Sheldon shushed her and searched out a sales rep.

"Excuse me. We need three dresses, long, about size.." He paused. "Penny, what size are you?"

"Four."

"Four." He repeated.

Penny dutifully went and waited in the changing area, while the salesperson wandered around selecting a few dresses.

Sheldon followed the sales person, looking on his own.

In the end, three dresses were chosen.

Sheldon had plucked them from the rack, not the salesperson.

They were all long.

None had plunging necklines.

But one did have a plunging back.

They were simple, but subtly sexy, clingy yet not skin tight, and to Penny's surprise, she loved them all.

It helped that each of them had had an interesting effect on Sheldon.

The first, a dark blue, had rendered him speechless.

The second, a deep green, had produced a gasp.

And the third, the one with the plunging back, a snow white silk creation, had illicited a devilish grin and an eyebrow twitch.

Interesting...

Two more black suits later, (with three ties in shades matching her dresses), they left the store.

"That wasn't so bad." Penny said, holding her bags.

Sheldon was quiet.

"What?" She teased.

He sighed.

He hated to ask... But..

"Have you suitable shoes?"

The look that came over Penny's face was sheer joy.. "SHOES!"

She practically ran into the nearest shoe store, which happened to be advertising a sale.

For once, she could have any shoes she wanted.

Not only had she worked an extra shift the last two weekends in a row (excellent tips) ,Sheldon had insisted on paying for the dresses because he had chosen them and also not allowed her to wear ones she already had at home.

Add to that the fact he was six feet two inches tall, and even with five inch heels she would not be taller than him, and it was a shoe shoppers dream..

Another hour later, and they left the store, with three more bags...


	3. Chapter 3

CH.

It wasn't until he was fully packed, (on tuesday) and was contemplating whether to bring his noise cancelling headset or ear plugs to block out Penny's snoring, that Sheldon realised that he really might have to sleep in the same bed as Penny..

It had occurred to Penny earlier than that, but she had dismissed it, knowing that Sheldon slept like Dracula, and would very likely take the floor rather than share the bed with her. His mother had, thankfully, taught him at a young age, that fully grown women did not sleep on the floor.

Besides, most of the hotels that Penny had been in had two queen beds in the room anyways, it probably wouldn't be any different at the resort, except for costing three times as much.

She'd asked who was footing the bill, and Sheldon had replied that he didn't care, he just hoped they got a room that overlooked the lake, and wasn't on the top floor, as top floor rooms were always too hot, due to heat rising.

Due to this logic, he also hoped they did not get a room on the ground floor.

Penny agreed about the ground floor, but it was more to do with the fact that in her experience, a ground floor room was just begging to be peeped at, and she was going to be surrounded by nerds, possibly of the Howard Wolowitz variety, and that Sheldon did not like to sleep with the drapes closed.

After the shopping trip, they had both gone their seperate ways, Penny to work the extra shift she would need to get someone else to cover for her so she could have the three days off, and Sheldon to get his latest work printed up into tidy little notebooks should any of the persons at the symposium desire to read it, which he was sure they would.

He was quite certain, though he didn't mention it to Penny, that this was some kind of test, to see whether he would fit in, to what he considered a private club.. Perhaps Leonards stint in the arctic had not ruined his chances of an early nomination at all, just made them understandably more wary.

Another reason to not bring Leonard.

He couldn't be trusted when it came to science anymore.

Penny had been properly outraged when she had found out, another excellent reason to bring her.

While it would be uncouth for him to say that his findings had been sabatoged by the persons he himself had selected as his team, it would be perfectly respectable for Penny to say it.

Because she stood to gain nothing from it, nobody would dare say she was making it up.

Not that it would come up of course.

But if it should...

Well, Penny would 'have his back' in any case.

Sheldon had confirmed their attendance first thing Monday morning, cheerfully stating that he'd had no problem finding a date, knowing full well that both Kripke and Leslie Winkle were standing outside the door evesdropping.

He'd ignored them on the way out, but as soon as he reached the safe confines of his office he'd grinned.

He didn't often get to thwart BOTH of them at once..

So Tuesday night, Sheldon debated ear protection.

Finally, he put both in his suitcase and zipped it tight, sliding it back under his bed.

He was ready.

He only had to grab his bathroom things on the morning of the departure, and he was set.

When the smell of takeout drifted into his room, he went in search of dinner.

"Hello Wolowitz, Koothrapali." He nodded at them both while sitting down in his spot and picking up his chopsticks.

Normally, it was hamburger night, but as the others had decided since he wasn't going to be there on anything can happen Thursday, that for one time only it should be moved to Tuesday.

Since he was in a good mood, he had agreed, provided it was one time only.

He was fully aware that they would still have anything can happen Thursday, and probably an anything can happen Friday, and most definately an anything can happen Saturday, but as he wasn't going to be there to see it and deal with the hungover trio the next morning (s), he didn't much care.

He would be miles away, at a fancy resort, surrounded by his peers.. And Penny.

She walked through the door as if he had summoned her, and for a second he wondered if he had, he HAD been working on his telepathy lately.

"Are you packed yet?" He questioned.

She blinked. "We're not leaving till Thursday afternoon."

"Yes." He glared at her. "You should be packed by now."

"Wait a minute." Howard held up a hand. "You're actually going?"

"Well yeah." Penny replied, giving him a strange look. "It's a free weekend at a resort, why wouldn't I go?"

Leonard just stared down at his dinner.

"WEll." Howard smirked and shifted in his seat a little. "You might have to sleep with Sheldon, for one thing, doesn't that.. Bother you?"

Penny popped her gum. "Nope."

"Why doesn't that bother you?" Leonard squeaked.

"Golden Lake Resort has an award winning spa." Penny smirked.

"Are you planning to SLEEP in the spa?" Howard replied.

Penny frowned at him. "No. Why do you care?" Then she held up her hand in warning. "No, wait, don't answer that."

"Penny." Leonard whispered, while Raj hissed something in Howards ear to which Howard shook his head negatively. "The same bed?"

Penny rolled her eyes up as far as they would go, and stood up, taking her takeout with her. "I'm going to go pack." She said as she left the apartment.

Sheldon smiled at her. "Excellent Penny."

As soon as she was gone he shot dirty looks at the other three. "Why would sleeping with ME bother her? Out of all of us, I'm the least likely to grope her during her REM cycles."

The thought darted into his head that he'd already done that, while she was awake, but he pushed it aside.

"Really." He said standing up. "You should be more worried about me!"

"You think Penny is going to grope you while you're sleeping?" Leonard asked doubtfully.

Howard had a dreamy look on his face, and Raj looked like he was trying to picture it.

"Don't be silly." Sheldon snapped. "I'm concerned she might destroy my sensitive hearing with her nocturnal noise."

"What?" Howard started laughing.

Leonard blew out a breath and nodded at Sheldon. "Penny snores." He clarified.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: The song is Teeth by Lady Gaga. Nobody sue me, I've nothing to give you.**

CH

* Show me your teeth. Show me your teeth. Don't want you money. Just want your sex. Take a bite of my bad girl meat. Show me your teeth.*

Sheldon reached over and turned off the stereo. "I fail to see what sex has to do with teeth."

Penny's eyes left the highway in front of her to stare at him dazed. "What?"

He gestured to the speakers. "The song. Is there some kind of urban literature which states a correlation between good teeth and sexual ability which this song is exploiting? Because I assure you that scientifically, while good teeth are representative of good health, genes, and personal habits, I'm fairly certain that there is no direct link to sexual ability."

"Um." Penny paused. "Are you asking because you are curious, or to make polite conversation?"

He looked aghast. "I'm curious. You know very well how I feel about polite conversation. Utter balderdash, a complete waste of time."

She shrugged. Fair enough. "Ok, well, I'm pretty certain that the song is more about biting."

"Biting?" He frowned. "How so?"

"Well, she says, "Show me your teeth. Take a BITE of my bad girl meat." I always imagined something... Dracula style."

"Dracula, the fictional vampire created by Bram Stoker, who drank blood from beautiful women?" He paused. "Oh, interesting fact, there in fact WAS a Count Dracula, and by all accounts he was a bloodthirsty fellow, though he did not actually drink blood, and it was more in causing the deaths of hundreds of people that he gained his reputation.."

Penny interrupted him. "Thats the one. I knew that actually, I watched that show on the history channel, but back to the song, I think she wants a love bite more than the drinking blood one."

"A love bite?"

"You know." Penny glanced at him again. "A hickey. On her neck."

"Why on earth would anyone WANT a hickey on their neck?"

"In the heat of the moment its kind of hard to notice." Penny hedged, suddenly wishing herself out of the conversation.

Sheldon was staring at her.

"What?" She exclaimed in the tone that told him to keep his long winded comments about germs to himself.

He looked away, mumbling something.

"What's that?" She challenged in a no-backing-out-of-it-now tone.

"I merely said.." He paused, darting a glance at her before directing his gaze out the window once more. "That if someone was biting ME, I would hope that I would notice it."

Penny stared at him as long as she could before having to check her position on the road. There was no way she was going to die in a fiery car wreck BEFORE staying at the resort of her dreams.. She could picture it already, standing at the pearly gates with an irate Sheldon at her side telling her 'I told you so.'

"You.. Would want someone to bite you?"

"No, but if they did, I hope that I would NOTICE."

"Why?"

He smirked. "So that I could inform the social group I am in, when they notice the mark on my neck, that I tested a hypothesis and found it to be true."

"What hypothesis?" Penny ground out between her teeth.

"That love hurts." He replied smugly. "After which, I will say.. "Bazinga!"" He snickered.

There was silence in the car for a second, then Penny let out a snicker, which turned into a laughing fit.

"What?" Sheldon looked worried as the car swerved dangerously.

She took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "I was just picturing Howard's face." She giggled.

The was a breathy sound from the passenger seat, and then another.

The second almost sounded like a real laugh.

Penny glanced at him again, quickly.

Sheldon was staring straight ahead with a little smile on his lips.

He looked cute.

The thought nearly sent Penny driving off the road.

Luckily, the sign for their resort was just ahead, and Penny was able to focus on catching a first glimpse of her holiday paradise.

When her holiday paradise had become a first class resort filled with geeks, she didn't know, and didn't really want to think about.


	5. Chapter 5

CH

Penny held her breath as they turned off the highway and onto the smooth pavement onto the resort's drive. A huge iron gate blocked their way, and a man with a clipboard approached them from a little building beside the gate.

Penny rolled down the window.

"Name?" He asked perfunctorily.

Sheldon leaned across the console. "Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper, PHD"

The guard checked something on his list and went back inside the building, and the gate opened in front of them magestically.

"Wow." Penny whispered. "This is just like in the movies."

The rest of the driveway was lined with shurbs and flowers, and opened into a wide space in front of a large building.

They pulled up in front of the building and another uniformed person came out towards them. "I'll take the vehicle and park it." He informed them, moving to the trunk to help them get their bags out.

Penny worked hard to suppress the squeal building inside her.

Valet Parking.

Valet Parking!

Sheldon was so getting a hug for this.

Or at least one free pass on the snide stuff, since he didn't like hugs.

Sheldon seemed fairly unimpressed by it all, as they walked into the lobby, Penny with her two pink suitcases on wheels, Sheldon with his one large black one and his messenger bag, which Penny just knew had his laptop and stuff in it.

He strode up to the desk, and asked for the room key.

"Ah, of course, Mr and Mrs Cooper, you're in room 317 this weekend, it's a lovely suite." The woman at the desk gushed.

Penny and Sheldon both stared at her.

"Buh..." Penny started, but Sheldon cut in. "That's Doctor. I'm DOCTOR Sheldon Cooper."

"Oh yes, of course," The woman gushed instantly, "I'm so sorry, it's just you're so young!"

Sheldon looked minorly appeased as he signed the papers placed before him and took the key.

Penny stood there, blinking.

MRS?

Sheldon was halfway to the elevator when he realised he was alone. He paused and looked over his shoulder. "Penny?"

She snapped to attention. "Yes, HONEY?"

He guestured in front of him at the elevator. "Are you coming?"

"OH. Yeah." Penny smiled a huge fake smile and walked over, joining him in the elevator.

She was silent on the ride up to the third floor, and all the way to their room.

Their room was gorgeous.

A huge king size bed took up one wall, with glass doors opposite looking out over the lake. A cherry wood desk and an armchair were on another wall, and a doorway proved to lead to the bathroom.

A huge bathroom.

With a seperate shower and a whirlpool tub built for two, and makeup counter seperate from the sink...

Penny took it all in, before turning to Sheldon with her eyes narrowed and her arms folded across her chest.

"So Sheldon."

He barely looked up from plugging in his laptop. "Yes?"

"No comment?"

"On what?"

He looked puzzled, and she could see him pressing rewind in his head, replaying the last few moments. "Oh." he said finally.

"Just oh?"

"I did tell you that they might assume you are my girlfriend." He reminded her, going back to his laptop.

"Yes." She smacked her hand down on the desk beside him. "But you didn't say that you'd told them I'm your WIFE!"

Blue eyes gazed at her innocently. "I didn't."

"Then what did you say?" She persisted.

"I said I was bringing Penny." He stood to his full height. "As I didn't give your last name, I suppose they just supplied one." He pointed to something beside him, a welcome package with two name tags. "Look, they've even made us name tags."

He handed her the one that said "Mrs. Penny Cooper."

She stared at it.

Bit her lip.

"Ok." She sighed. His explanation made sense, in a weird way, and if she didn't mind being called his girlfriend by perfect strangers, then really wife wasn't so far off the wierdness scale either. And Penny Cooper had a nicer ring to it than her real last name soo... "It won't bother you?"

He looked at her again, puzzled. "Why would it bother me? As long as they've got MY name right I really don't care."

Penny nodded and unzipped a pocket on her suitcase pulling out her own laptop and passing it to him to get plugged in. "Ok moonpie, I'll be your wife. I think I've even got a ring I can use in my makeup bag." She muttered.

Sheldon froze. "A ring? What do you need a ring for?"

Her eyes rolled up in her head so far she swore she could see her own brain. "Sheldon, married people wear rings. You wouldn't want your 'Peers' to think you were too cheap to get your own wife a ring, would you?"

He blinked a few times. "Why would I be married?"

She pointed to her name tag again, waiting for it to sink in.

"Oh." He looked nonpulsed. "OH. Oh Dear. I'll have to change my facebook relationship status."

"WHAT?" Penny shreiked.

"Well I have some of these people on my facebook Penny, I can't have them checking and seeing..." He tapped on his computer for a second. "There."

"Sheldon." Penny gasped.

"We got married in Vegas." He supplied. "I don't know why. Why did we get married Penny?"

"I need a drink." She whispered.

"Yes!" He replied. "We were intoxicated, and got married, so that we could have coitus without my mother stringing us to a train. Excellent Penny."

"We've had coitus?" Penny sat on the bed, her eyes wide.

"Of course." Sheldon looked at her scanadalised. "We had to consumate the marraige!"

"Oh. My. God." Penny whispered to herself. "What have I got myself into?"


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Thanks for all the reviews! And just to avoid any confusion over state laws, this resort is still in the state of California. :)**

CH

Penny stood up from the bed and opened her suitcase, taking out the carefully folded dresses and hanging them in the closet. After what Sheldon had paid for them, she didn't want to wear them wrinkled. Especially not as his wife..

"Sheldon?" She asked suddenly, her back to him. "You know we could just go back down to the front desk and tell them they've made a mistake. We don't have to go through with this." Sheldon hated lying. She was sure that he would jump on the oppourtunity to not have to.

When he remained silent, she half turned to face him.

He was staring at his computer screen deep in thought. Had he even heard her?

"SHELDON."

"I heard you." He murmered. "I was thinking about it. I have decided no. I am certain that this invitation is some sort of test on whether I am ready to recieve a Nobel, and I would not like to repeat the," he took a deep breath, "fiasco, that was my North Pole Expedition, by having to recant something I have already said, or failed to deny." He turned to look at her suddenly. "Unless the pretense of being married to me is something you feel is beyond your acting capabilities?"

"MY acting capabilities?" Penny replied hotly. "Oh, it's ON, Dear."

"Dear." Sheldon looked intrigued. "Thats a new one. Sweetie and Honey leave your lips fairly easily, but I don't believe I've ever you say Dear before." He tapped his keyboard a few times and gave one of his breathy laughs. "I like it. Dear."

She watched his lips quirk, and her eyebrows shot up. Sheldon liked her calling him dear? Who'da thunk it?

"Uh oh." Sheldon muttered suddenly.

"What?" She crossed to his side instantly peering down at the computer screen.

Directly underneath "SHELDON LEE COOPER PHD, PHD, has changed his relationship status to MARRIED." there was a comment. From Harold.

It read: WHAT THE FRACK? You and PENNY?

Almost instantenously another popped up, from Raj: HA! PAY UP WOLOWITZ!

"I can't believe they bet on us." Penny hissed.

"I can't believe Wolowitz is swearing on my facebook wall." Sheldon replied in horror. "My MOTHER reads this!"

They both froze.

"Your mother?"

"I'm dead." Sheldon whispered, his face pale in horror. "I'm going to be tied to a train and drug through the texas hay fields."

"Now Sheldon." Penny tried to calm him down. "Your mother won't kill you for getting married. She likes me, remember?"

"It wasn't in a church." He hissed at her.

"Yes it was." Penny valently tried to remember the last time she'd been in Vegas. "It was at.. The Little White Chapel."

"Don't you remember the name of it?" He frowned.

"That IS the name of it."

"Oh. OH. Well. That might do." He tapped his fingers and gave both Wolowitz and Raj a strike. "Dear." He added. Then, "I like that."

Penny turned away with a funny look on her face. Not only was she knee deep in the lie, but he'd called her dear. And she'd liked it too.

"Oh by the way." Sheldon said in a voice that meant he was only mentioning this offhand. "I changed your relationship status too."

"You hacked my facebook page?"

"Oh please." Sheldon rolled his eyes. "Pennyblossom is HARDLY a safe password."

"I'm going to sue you!" She threatened.

"You can't." He replied calmly, pulling something out of one of the pockets of his messenger bag and passing it to her. "You're married to me. Everything mine is already yours."

It was a ring.

On a necklace.

"Is this the ring that you and Leonard were fighting over?"

"Yes, he thinks he's got it hidden but he doesn't." Sheldon smirked. "He has a replica that I bought on ebay. It's too small for a man, but it might fit you, and it at least LOOKS like a wedding band."

"Do you always carry it with you?" Penny frowned.

He looked at her astonished. "Of COURSE! You think I'm going to leave it at home where Leonard could find it at any time?"

Penny nodded. Sheldon sounded like Sheldon again, so that made sense. She focused on the other bit of information he'd given out.

"Everything yours is mine?"

He narrowed his eyes. "Why?"

"Because my DAD is on MY facebook, so I'll be turning off my cell phone now, and heading to go check out the spa."

Sheldon looked puzzled again.

"I'll need your Visa card dear." She smirked. She wasn't really going to use it, she'd worked an a few extra shifts and had cash, but the temptation to freak him out was too strong to resist.

She forgot who she was talking to. Faux-married to. Sheldon. Who really didn't give a damn about money as long as he had enough for what he wanted.

He passed it over easily. "I've heard they have a wonderful massuese. Be back at five please so we may dress for dinner?" He paused and smiled to himself. "Dear."


	7. Chapter 7

CH

The spa had been wonderful.

Sheldon had been right, their massuese was first rate. When she'd walked in and looked around, they'd asked her name and she had replied "Penny Cooper" without even thinking of it.

Hardly suprising that it had been the first thing to roll off her tongue when it was bouncing around in her head like a spring loaded rabbit, Mrs. Penny Cooper, Mrs. Penny Cooper, MRS. Penny COOPER...

They hadn't doubted her or asked for ID or anything, just asked what she was interested in and whisked her off for the 30 minute back massage, which, they told her, would prepare her for anything the night might hold.

She'd almost believed them.

But they'd never met Sheldon, so they really had no idea what they were talking about.

It HAD been very relaxing though.

The resort seemed nearly empty as she made her way back upstairs, avoiding the elevator as an excuse to see a bit more of the resort itself, and to delay the time for getting dressed. All it really had done though was highlight the ring on the third finger (Sheldon had told her many times that thumbs are not fingers) of her left hand as it gripped the rail.

By the time she'd reached their floor, she was almost used to seeing it there.

Kind of terrifying.

However, because of the ring being what it was, a real one from the movie, that Sheldon highly treasured, it would not doubt make their marriage all the more believable. In a room full of people who might recognize the ring, she felt sure that he'd hardly leave her side, for fear of someone stealing it.

To everyone else it would appear he couldn't bear to leave her side.

She opened their door with her card and stepped inside. "Sheldon?"

The bathroom door opened and he stuck his head out, half his face covered in shaving cream. "Penny?"

She blinked at him.

He appeared to be wearing nothing more than a towel.

She found herself moving closer to see if that was even possible or if she was just imagining it.

He ducked back into the bathroom.

She pocked her head round the door frame.

Yup.

Sheldon in a towel.

He looked at her in the mirror as he continued shaving, "You're not supposed to be in the bathroom when I am."

"I'm not." Penny replied. "My feet are firmly in the bedroom."

"Your head is in the bathroom."

"I'm your wife, get over it."

He blinked and shrugged slightly. He would have liked to give her a strike, but he'd always been told you didn't strike your wife, and while he was sure that had meant hit, which he would never do, and if he tried Penny would probably castrate him, but he wasn't quite sure and it wasn't really the time to phone his mother and ask.

His eyes widened. "Your father sent me a message on facebook."

Penny froze. "Do I want to read it?"

Sheldon looked doubtful. "His rodeo, apparently, is not of the junior variety."

She puffed out her cheeks and exhaled.

"Although," He continued, "I recieved one from your mother right after, who welcomed me to the family and asked if I would be living with you, or if you would be living with me and letting Leonard take your apartment so that we might have a spare room for the nursery." He gazed at Penny seriously. "She said, and I quote "I can't wait to be a grandmother.""

"Oh god." Penny whispered. "She thinks you knocked me up."

"Huh." Sheldon said, thinking it over. Then he rinsed his razor and examined his face again, preparing to finish shaving. "Go away dear."

Penny nodded and went to sit on the bed.

Sheldon in a towel. Not bad.. Not bad at all.

There was something happening in her stomach, and it scared her a little more than a bit, so she chose to scare herself more.

Time to check her facebook.

Message from Howard. _Penny, you sly fox, how long you been hittin that? You know I could do you better right?_

Message from Raj. _Congrats Penny, if you feel the need to downsize Sheldons comic collection, CALL ME!_

Message from Dad. _Penny. Call your mother. She's in hysterics. You should come back to the farm._

Message from Mom. _You're married! And to that theoretical one you talk about all the time! You didn't even tell me you were dating! Was it romantic? The quiet ones always are you know, underneath all that ice there is just a volcano! But I'm sure you know that, don't you? I want details! I hope you had a picture taken I want to see my baby on her wedding day, and honey when is your due date, I need to start making a baby quilt!_

Message from Mary Cooper: _I want grandchildren and I'm praying for both of you._

Message from Leonard. _ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? JUST BECAUSE I SAID I LOVE YOU BEFORE YOU WERE READY YOU GO AND MARRY SHELDON?_

Her wall was full of congrations from all the people she barely knew, and some question marks from those she did, and an unhappy face from one ex boyfriend who had been calling again lately.

"Sheldon?" She called out in a small voice. "Your mother wants grandchildren."

"Tell her to tell Missy that." He replied.

Penny shook her head. Nuh-uh. Noooo way she was telling Mary Cooper that.

Penny wanted to go to heaven one day.

"She's your mother, dear." She replied sweetly, closing her laptop. Now that she was sufficently scared slash outraged, it was time to get ready to meet a room full of people smarter than her.

She pulled the blue dress from the closet and went into the recently vacated bathroom.

At least they were all dumber than Sheldon.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: For the Soon to be Mrs. Sebastian, who will be going through this process later today...**

CH

*knock knock knock* Penny?  
*knock knock knock* Penny?  
*knock knock knock* Penny?

She sighed and opened the bathroom door a bit, peeking out. "Yes Sheldon."

He had his hand over his eyes and his arm stretched out in front of him, holding the white dress towards her. "Penny, Can you wear this one this evening instead?"

She frowned. She'd wanted to save that one, for the last night, just in case.. Well, she didn't know what in case of, but the idea was there. "Why?"

"My mother sent me a facebook message and she wants to see wedding photos, Meemaw will be over at her house tonight and she wants to be able to show her my 'special' day." he replied quietly.

Penny could tell from the sound of his voice that the enormity of what they had done was sinking in, just a bit. She felt bad for him, she could go home and tell everyone it hadn't worked out, and none of her family would care. Sheldon's family had probably given up hope of him ever getting married when he left for college right after grade 5. All of a sudden, she wanted to make this work for him.

"Ok." She whispered, taking the dress from him. "My mom wants to see pictures too, so uh, why don't you phone down and see if they can bring us some flowers for a bouquet, and maybe send someone up to take some pictures with your digital camera. It has insta-post capabilities right?"

Sheldon seemed to perk up a little. "Of course it does, why would I own one that doesn't?"

"Good." Penny said, closing the door a little, "I'll be out in a minute, dear."

She watched Sheldon's lips twitch as he mouthed the word 'dear' again, then closed the door fully.

What the hell was she doing?

She closed her eyes, and then opened them again, staring at herself in the mirror. She was helping a friend. A best friend. And they might only be married for the weekend and not really married at all, but damn it, she was going to do this like they really were.

It might be the only time he ever has wedding photos taken. They might end up being the only wedding photos she'll want to look back on.

She pulled on the white dress and stared at herself in the mirror.

She was ready.

Penny walked out into the bedroom, and smiled at him, he was standing by the door with his camera, looking slightly bored, except for his eyes.

He looked at her in the dress and his eyebrow twitched again, followed by the same smile.

"Ready Dr. Cooper?" She asked, pausing beside him.

"After you Mrs. Cooper." He opened the door. "The flowers are waiting for us in the back garden, I've been told that it is the best location for pictures of this nature, and if we hurry we will not be late for the appetisers."

The garden was beautiful, and the flowers given to Penny were pure white, the same colour as her dress.

The resort employee assured them that he had taken photos before and in fact had the same camera as Sheldon and knew how to use it properly, though the look on Sheldon's face was dubious at best.

In short order, a series of pictures were taken, both of them standing as directed, looking at each other when told, and looking off to the side when asked.

They were nearly done when Sheldon suddenly looked uncomfortable. He'd done well, not flinching when he'd been told to put his arms around her waist, or rest his head on hers, or hold her hand to show off the ring (Leonard was going to flip, Sheldon whispered, though not in those exact words).

"Whats up?" Penny questioned him quietly.

"As these are wedding photos, I believe there are supposed to be some of the groom, I.E. Me, kissing the bride, I.E. you." He whispered back.

"We don't have to if you don't want to." She replied.

He stared down at her for a nanosecond, then shook his head. "Meemaw will expect it."

Penny nodded. "Ok."

And so, with the photographer clicking away, she slid her arms around his neck, and he slid his around her waist, and tentatively their lips met.

They held the pose for a few seconds, Sheldon tilting his head slightly to get a bit closer, and then the photographer coughed and they pulled apart, flushing slightly.

"Here you go." He handed Penny the camera and walked away.

Sheldon immediately sat down on a nearby bench twitched like crazy.

"Alright there dear?" Penny asked, quickly scanning through the pictures.

"No." he said bluntly. "I hate having my picture taken unless its for a publication which I have written."

"Huh." Penny sat down beside him and showed him the pictures. "Cause you are VERY photogenic."

"Of course I am." he sniffed in disdain. "That doesn't mean I have to like it."

Together they quickly chose a handful of pictures, uploaded them to their facebook accounts, and then returned the camera and the flowers to their room.

Sheldon's watch buzzed. "The doors to the banquet room will open in one minute and forty-five seconds.I hope we have time to get there before the good seats are gone."

"Don't they have planned seating?"

"Oh, that would be good," he looked pleased at the thought. "As long as we don't have to sit beside the Grimsorfs."

"The Grimsorfs?"

"Yes." Sheldon shuddered. "All he ever talks about is himself and his work which is on par with Leonards, meaning that is.." He looked at Penny expectantly.

She looked back at him blankly.

"Is?" he prompted again.

"Less important than yours?" She guessed.

Sheldon smiled. "Not the answer I was looking for, but entirely true!" He patted her hand which he had laced through his arm after seeing another couple walk by in that position.

"Goody!" Penny tried to smile.

OMG, they were really doing this.

She'd just posted pictures on facebook in an album marked "Penny and Sheldon Forever".

And the pictures looked pretty damn good.

They got to the door just as it opened, and she was escorted into the world of science and sky high IQs with her name tag firmly reading "Mrs. Penny Cooper" and her brainiac fake husband at her side.


	9. Chapter 9

CH.

Leonard hit the door with his fist and swore, because it hurt way more than it looked like it did on the movies.

He'd been certain when Sheldon's status had changed that it had been a mistake, or maybe Kripke was pulling some kinf of prank on Sheldon again, but when Penny's had changed as well, he had started to worry.

He'd started to think.

Penny hadn't put up a fight about going away for the weekend with Sheldon.

Alone.

With Sheldon.

Sharing a BED, for crying out loud, with SHELDON.

She had looked more concerned when they changed her shift accidentally at the Cheesecake Factory.

When they'd switched her off Tuesday nights.

Tuesday nights, when Sheldon came in, like clockwork, and ordered a burger that he would only deem acceptable to eat, if Penny brought it.

How long had this been going on?

If he'd hung Penny's delicates on the line, he wouldn't be alive right now to tell about it.

As Leonard often does, he over thought things.

By the time Raj and Howard showed up, giggling about something or other, he was furious.

"You know what? I'm going to go down there." He said, shoving his glasses up his nose. "I'm going to barge in there and tell the whole room that they are lying, that Penny really loves me!"

"Except she doesn't." Howard replied, sitting down on the couch. "Thats why she broke up with you."

"Yes." Raj agreed seriously. "She loves Sheldon. Did you see their wedding pictures?"

"WHAT?" Screamed Leonard, racing for his laptop. Since his first message to Penny, he'd only checked back periodically to see if she'd replied, sure that soon enough an explanation would be forthcoming, and that she would insist that her and Sheldon would NEVER happen.

He stared in horror at what he saw.

Penny, in a white dress, with an armful of white flowers, grinning up at a black suited Sheldon, who was looking down at her with an eyebrow raised and a smirk on his lips.

Penny, staring into Sheldon's eyes, with her hand, her left hand, touching his face gently, a wide gold band on her ring finger, and Sheldon, Sheldon looking down at her, and NOT FLINCHING.

Sheldon, with his arm wrapped around her waist and his lips pressed into her hair, whispering something, something which had put a teasing look into Penny's eyes.

Their hands, joined together, showcasing the ring.

The two of them, sitting on a bench, foreheads touching.

The two of them, laughing at something, Penny clutching his arm, and his eyes resting on her face like she was the missing equation to prove string theory.

And the last one..

Penny, with her arms wrapped around his neck, her face raised to his, and his mouth fused to hers.

They looked every inch a couple in love.

They looked perfect.

"Dude, did you see that ring?" Raj commented over his shoulder. "It looks just like that ring you mailed back. He must have bought it from him."

"Who cares." Howard replied in a low voice. "I wonder how much it would cost to get Penny to look at ME like that?"

Leonard closed the laptop with a bang. "They're lying, they have to be."

Howard shook his head. "They're not. I checked. They were registered as being wed at that little chapel on the outskirts of Pasadena early this afternoon."

Raj nodded his head. "It is the truth. Sheldon and Penny are truly married."

Leonard punched the door again and then barged out of it, mumbling something about needing to get really, really drunk.

"I wonder what Sheldon will say when he finds out." Howard remarked conversationally.

"That you hacked in and registered them?" Raj questioned.

"Yeah." Howard smiled. "I'm doing them a favour really. You know Sheldon's mom would check on that."

"One hundred dollars says he goes into catatonic shock and does not speak for three days." Raj replied. "And then stays married to Penny anyways."

Howard brought the pictures up on his phone and smiled. "You're on. Two hundred bucks says he thanks me for saving him the trouble."

"Deal." Raj opened the door. "Now, lets go find some ladies."


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: I have never played Age of Conan, so I just made stuff up.**

CH.

They didn't really talk about the evening until they were in bed. It was spacious, they were side by side but both had plenty of elbow room, which was good, because they were playing Age of Conan, and Penny tended to get a little, well, punchy when she was playing.

They were waiting for one of their teammates to come back from being AFK, when Sheldon broke the silence. "You appeared to enjoy yourself tonight Penny."

She grinned. "I did. It was fun, I really like Sophia, her work is fascinating."

"She's a sexologist." Sheldon looked away from his computer for a second to give her a dirty look.

"I know!" Penny squealed. "Isn't that great? I should be a sexologist." She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. "She said that they think it contributed to her husband winning the Nobel two years ago, they were trying out several new techniques at the time for her work, and some of them seemed to really improve brain function, possibly leading to his breakthrough."

The player came back to the game and Sheldon viciously slayed a troll.

"Hit ctrl8." He ordered Penny.

"What? Why?" She asked, desperately fighting a troll twice her size.

"Oh for god's sake." He muttered, reaching across and hitting the button himself while simultaneously keeping his character fighting.

A lightening bolt flew from her sword, incinerating the troll.

"Oohh COOL." Penny pressed it again. "Thanks dear."

"Did you reply to any of your facebook messages yet?" Sheldon asked a few minutes later.

"Nope." She replied. "You?"

"Just Missy's."

"What did she say?"

"That she was going to tan your hide for keeping this a secret, and then I was gonna get it to, and if we were lyin' she was gonna barbecue us both."

Penny hit pause. "And you replied?"

He frowned at the computer screen. "Of course. I reminded her that I don't like barbecue, and if she touched you I was gonna tell momma about that time she let the neighbor boy sneak into her bedroom."

Penny laughed, and unpaused the game. "Good one."

A few more minutes of warfare passed, and then Sheldon paused the game. "Penny?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you cry when they brought us wedding cake?"

"Because.. I don't know. It was just, unexpected, and I was in white, and you were in black, and everyone was clapping and cheering and taking photos and it was so pretty and it was like nothing I ever dreamed of but it was so right, and I just got all.. Emotional." She said in a rush, shooting another lighting bolt at a smaller troll. "Did I embarrass you?"

"No." He shook his head. "I felt rather stunned myself. I had not expected Howard to inform the resort and send a wedding cake."

"The message he emailed, which Dr. Gablehouser read aloud, was really sweet." Penny frowned. "But what did he mean by 'a quiet ceremony at the Little White Chapel on the outskirts of Pasadena.'?"

"I have no idea." Sheldon replied. "I didn't know there was a little White Chapel in Pasadena." He restarted his game. "I suppose we should stick with the story he provided us though, it will make more sense to my mother, who knows I don't drink."

Penny nodded and yawned. "You know what? I'm actually kind of tired. I think I'm going to go to sleep." She closed her laptop and set it on the beside table along with her headset. "Night."

Sheldon tapped at his keyboard some more while she got settled, then as she closed her eyes he murmured, "Goodnight Penny... Dear."

She smiled as she fell asleep.

Sheldon clicked off the game and switched over to his facebook page. Leonard had sent him some drunken message calling him scum, which he ignored, because he really didn't care, and there was a link from Howard, which he saw had also been sent to his sister and mother.

"Good lord." He muttered, "what has he done?"

The link brought up a page with a picture of a little church. Underneath the picture was a list of recently married couples and a link to a viral images of the marriage certificates, signatures blurred out.

Second to the top, was his own name, followed by Penny's.

Sheldon stopped breathing and clicked the link.

He stared at the image in shock.

Legal.

Legally married.

To Penny.

His first thought, was "Well that's efficient."

The second was, "Penny is going to kill Howard. I would like to watch."

He then began researching proper body disposal and the cleanest ways to murder someone, before deciding that letting Penny decide how to do it would be much more fun. No doubt growing up on a farm she had a better understanding of burying dead things than he did.

Sheldon put his computer to the side and settled into the bed.

He would have to show Penny in the morning. He was tempted to not tell her until the drive home, on Sunday evening, but he thought that telling Penny that they were in fact legally married while she was driving had a high probability of doing damage to them both, when she smashed the car.

It could also likely end up in him walking home, when she found out that he'd known for two days.

Better to show her. Or better yet...

He picked up his keyboard again and sent the link to her facebook message box.


	11. Chapter 11

CH

Sheldon woke up, slightly confused. He'd slept well, better than he had thought he would, because he never slept well when he was lying to people.

Then he remembered that somehow Wolowitz had made it not a lie anymore.

He glanced at Penny, who had somehow migrated onto his half of the bed and was curled up next to him. Perhaps it was the extra body heat, combined with not technically lying which had made him sleep so well.

He watched her sleep for a moment. She was pretty, and smart, not genious, but smart, and was very good at video games. He'd never really thought of himself having a wife, but in that moment, he was sure that he would have wanted someone with those same criteria.

He wouldn't mind staying married to Penny.

She would, undoubtably require certain... "Actions" on his part, actions which he had thus far in his life avoided, but those same actions would provide him with the chance of creating prodgeny, and as he had already noticed, his endocrine system seemed to respond to Penny.

Which reminded him. He'd better get out of the bed and into the shower before Penny noticed what her thigh was currently brushing against.

He scooted out of bed and headed for the bathroom.

As soon as the bathroom door closed, Penny opened her eyes.

She had been awake for a while, enjoying just lying there, in the warmth that his body radiated. She knew that he'd been awake, she'd felt him looking at her, she could even feel him thinking... She'd also noticed the exact second when his thoughts had taken an un-Sheldon like turn.

Certain parts of him had gone from hard to really hard, and he'd darted out of bed.

She sighed. Too bad, because she wouldn't have minded a little...

Penny sat straight up in bed. "Bad Penny!" She whispered, reaching for her laptop. Some shock therapy was clearly in order!

A few minutes later, she burst into the bathroom.

"SHELDON!"

The shower was completely glass, but there was enough steam from the hot water spray that she couldn't see anything interesting, not that she was looking, because she was still staring at her laptop screen in shock. "We're actually married!"

"Penny, get out of the bathroom."

"No."

"Penny, I'm not suitably dressed."

"I'm not looking." Penny snapped.

The shower stopped, and Sheldon grabbed a towel and stepped out, carfully wrapping it around him. Normally he would have refused to come out, and pitched a fit, and handed out strikes and threatened the wireless connection, but this was Penny, and they were really married, and she sounded upset, and he didn't like it when she was upset.

She was sitting on the edge of the tub, staring at the image of the marriage certificate. "Sheldon. What do we do?"

He stared at her for a second, noting that she looked more awed than upset and then he turned around and started writing on the steamed bathroom mirror.

SLC PHD(x2) + PC + LMC = X

He narrowed his eyes at the equation and started scribbling other things underneath the equation, numbers and letters and squared signs, working quickly before the steam faded.

Penny watched him, paying more attention to the way the lean muscles in his back moved as he darted back and forth mumbling to himself, then what he was actually writing.

He turned around and caught her watching him, and immediately checked his pulse.

He wrote another number and then leaned over her, checking her pulse.

She blinked up at him, he was wet still, his hair was messy, and he was checking her pulse?

He looked suprised, then raced back to the mirror to write another number, another calculation.

Finally, he cleared his throat.

"Breakfast will be here in a few minutes."

Penny blinked in surprise. "That's it? All that, and that's it?"

He tilted his head to the side and regarded her warily. "Penny, we have only two options. Neither of which can be put into effect until Monday. We can either stay married, or we challenge the certificate, and have our marriage declared null and void. As we've already committed to being 'married' for the length of this symposium, I see no reason we have to decide right now. I have," he gestured at the fading equations, "devised a hypothesis, which will require testing, but I don't plan to start till after breakfast."

Penny nodded and closed the laptop, placing it on the counter. He was right. There was nothing they could do until Monday anyways, and she wasn't really sure what she wanted. "Ok." She whispered. "I'm going to have a shower."

He nodded and left the room, taking her laptop with him, muttering about condensation.

She turned on the shower and watched as steam filled up the room again, except for the spots which Sheldon's long finger had written on.

Stepping closer, she tried to figure out the equation. Sheldon Lee Cooper, PHD (times two), she rolled her eyes, of course he'd have to write that, plus PC. Penny Cooper? plus LMC, must be Legal Marriage Certificate, she mused, equals X.

The rest just looked like giberish, except for two sets of numbers which she recognized as pulse rates. The first was Sheldon's. The second was hers.

Both appeared to be elevated.

She stared at them.

Then she smiled.

She had some testing of her own to do.


	12. Chapter 12

CH

At exactly seven-thirty, there was a knock on the door, and breakfast arrived. Sheldon was dressed and ready, and had cleared the desk in order to use it as a table, pulling up the extra chair.

After breakfast, he would need to begin to test his hypothesis.

Or rather, prove it.

He had already decided, due to his calculations on comfort level, level of attraction, and level of what deemed Ire, (because he did his best work after arguing with Penny), that the best option for him, was that they remain married.

He had, in fact, already mentally moved Leonard next door, and was thinking of suitable baby names.

Pancakes divvied up, he sat down and poured syrup on his, beginning to eat.

When the door to the bathroom opened, he looked up blandly, and then froze, his hand automatically shooting up to cover his eyes.

"It's ok Sheldon." Penny smirked. "I'm fully covered, you've seen me in less."

He peeked through his fingers.

She walked over to him and leaned against him, her arms slowly going around his neck. "Besides, we're married. According to the rest of the world, you've probably done more than just seen me naked by now." She teased, carefully watching the tendons in his neck for a sign he was about to freak out.

Instead, his hand lowered, and he went back to eating, seemingly ignoring her arms still around his neck. "I suspect it will take me some time to build up a resistance." He muttered. "In the meantime, eat." He pointed at her plate. "The first lecture begins at nine."

Penny was impressed. Not only had he not freaked out, but his pulse had noticeably picked up before he'd somehow managed to regulate it.

Her mind immediately went to practical applications for that skill.

Like, in bed.

She straightened and sat down in her seat, still wrapped in the towel. "Pancakes! I love pancakes."

"I know." Sheldon replied. "Have you decided in which way to maim or murder Howard yet?"

"I'm thinking about force-feeding him an Oh Henry bar."

Sheldon nodded. "Good choice."

"So." Penny said lightly, changing the subject. "Who is giving the first thingamajig, and why are they important?"

Sheldon smiled and started talking.

When they left the room at eight-forty-five, he was still talking. Penny had got dressed right in front of him pretty much, and he'd only paused twice.

Once to hang up her towel properly.

The other time, to frown and say "Penny, I'm quite sure it says soup!" Before continuing on his tangent.

To anyone else it might have seemed he was entirely unaffected.

But because Penny was watching for it, she saw his ears turn red, and how had the newspaper on his lap, and how his eyes bounced around the room like he couldn't focus.

Penny was smiling when they left the room.

She was pretty sure Sheldon liked her.

She was also pretty sure that she liked him, more than she should.

So by the bathroom mirror equation, she figured maybe, maybe they could give it a go.

They certainly were a better match than her and any of her previous boyfriends. He didn't let her push him around, but he did whatever she asked, and he was tidy while she was messy, and he liked her spaghetti, and that had to count for something.

Sheldon had once said to Raj that arranged marriages led far less often to divorce, simply because the people involved knew what was expected of them, and what was not.

They had a contract.

Sheldon loved contracts.

But there were a few things she wouldn't bend on.

One of which was sex.

Penny wasn't a cheater. If she was married to Sheldon, she wouldn't be sleeping with anyone else, not even if he told her to. So the only way that would ever work out... Was if he was willing to have intercourse with her.

And by the signals he was giving this morning, he might not be adverse to that... Eventually.

Penny snorted at herself.

Who was she kidding?

She wanted him to screw her brains out, and she wasn't even drunk!

"All you all right Penny?" Sheldon asked.

"Yes, why?" She widened her eyes innocently.

"You snorted. Are you catching a cold?" He looked down at her warily.

She shook her head. "No. I was just thinking how ridiculous it is that you havn't won one of these yet." She hedged.

Sheldon shook his head in agreement. "Thank you Penny, I quite agree!"


	13. Chapter 13

CH

The lake was calm, and blue, and utterly gorgeous. Penny sat at the edge of the dock in front of the resort, her legs dangling over, her feet in the water. The sun on her back felt warm, and soothing.

Not that she was stressed, far from it, it was probab;y the least stressfull weekend she'd had in a long time, and it was only friday. Considering everything that had happened in the last 24 hours, that was saying quite a lot.

Sheldon had been quite entranced by the lectures, whispering comments into her ear, while she worked at the suduko puzzle she had snuck in with a pencil. She'd actually brought two, but when the person beside her had seen what she was doing, they had asked if they could have one too.

Penny had shrugged and handed it over without comment, while Sheldon had given a wide-eyed look to the person, probably recognising them from some publication or something.

A hand touched her shoulder, and she looked up.

"I brought you tea." Sheldon held it out awkwordly.

"Thanks Dear." Penny reached for it carefully. Warm tea on a hot day wasn't really her thing, but Sheldon always drank it and he never seemed to overheat enough to take even one shirt off, so she was considering taking up the practise.

He sat down beside her, carefully taking off his shoes and socks and putting his feet in the water as well, with a slight grimace.

"The waters not cold." Penny smirked over the rim of the mug.

"My point exactly." Sheldon rolled his eyes towards her. "Do you know how much bacteria love warm conditions? Cold would be much more preferable."

"Yeah but cold water sucks to skinny dip in." She pointed out.

"I wouldn't know." He grimaced again.

"How come you don't like swimming?" She asked softly.

"The few times I tried when I lived at home, I was uncerimoniously dunked by my older brother, father, or my sister. I always got sick after, from ingesting the water, and then when my cousin Fred drowned, I really had no desire to continue to accompany the others to the lake." He said blandly. "Penny, what do you think of the symposium so far?"

She accepted his change of subject and pursed her lips. "That last one had a lot of arguing."

"Spirited debate." Sheldon corrected her.

"No I'm pretty sure the girl that called that guy with the green glasses a simpering nicompoop was arguing."

"What a ridiculous insult." Sheldon sighed. "He was being much more than that."

"So you agree with the girl then?"

"Despite her trying to kiss me once, while I was lecturing in Germany, her father being a professor at the university I was at, she's actually fairly intelligent."

Penny paused mid-sip. "She tryed to kiss you?"

Sheldon shuddered. "I didn't enjoy it."

Penny raised an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"Because she was 11 and followed me around, and the Dean brought me in and told me that her doing so was innapropriate, despite my insisting that I did not invite her actions, nor welcome them, and would like nothing more than her to be sent away." He grumbled.

"What were you doing when she kissed you?"

He narrowed his eyes as he remembered. "Tying my shoelaces."

Penny laughed.

He glared at her.

"I'm not laughing at you Sheldon, I'm laughing at the 11 year old girl who united your shoelaces just so you had to kneel to her height to tie them so that she could kiss you." Penny clarified.

He looked at her in surprise. "Oh is THAT how she... Oh. I never could figure out, I always use double knots." He mumbled.

Penny smiled. "Hey Sheldon. Look over there." She pointed.

His head turned instantly. "Where?"

Penny leaned over and pressed her lips to his cheek in a quick kiss. "Thanks for the tea." She whispered.

He was sitting frozen, then he slowly turned back to face her, his eyes looking at her lips curiously.

His thoughts were all jumbled in his head, and he was sorting through them as fast as he could. Penny had kissed him, not unusal for a married couple, but she had kissed his cheek, instead of his lips, and why?

During their wedding photos, she had not had a problem kissing his lips. Perhaps it was because he had been telling her of the other kiss, which he had not enjoyed, and perhaps she thought he was against all kisses, but no that didn't make sense either.

"Sheldon?" She touched his face. "Are you ok?"

He smiled a little bit. "I think I preferred yesterday's kiss."

Penny raised an eyebrow. "Wanna try it again?" Her lips were curved slightly, which he found strangely arousing, and when he leaned forward and touched his mouth to hers, he felt her grin widen before she kissed him back.

With no photographer to cough, this kiss was a little longer, a little more meaningful.

He didn't want to stop.

It wasn't till her tongue tentatively touched his that he pulled back, taking in a deep breath of air.

His eyes remained focused on her mouth, and she noted his hands were shaking slightly.

She took a deep breath herself.

Sheldon had just kissed her, because he wanted to, and omigod it was... Her toes were tingling.

He wanted to do it again.

But his vulcan hearing had picked up on people coming down the path towards them, and so he did the only thing he could think of.

He picked up her hand and kissed the back of it, and then laced his fingers through hers, and stared down into the water around their feet, bringing the conversation back to science.

Penny smiled, and leaned against him slightly, letting him ramble. He talked to calm himself, and she'd always liked the sound of his voice when he was in "the zone" so she didn't mind. Soon enough her own ears caught the sound of the approaching group, and she understood why he had stopped.

She let herself wonder what other practical applications his hearing would have...


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Ok, so I'm running a new system now, hopefully there are no bugs... Just a reminder, I've never played Age of Conan so I'm making it up, and also, in story time, they arrived at the resort on thursday afternoon, and it is now friday evening. I know all the chapters make it seem like more time has gone by than it really has, so just wanted to clarify that. :) Thanks so much for all the reviews, I love hearing your thoughts, and all the people that fav'd and signed up for alerts too!**

CH

Leonard sighed and checked his facebook again, staring at the pictures glumly. Oh, he'd tried to get drunk enough to forget.

Somehow it hadn't quite worked.

He did get drunk enough to realize what an ass he was being. There was no way in hell he'd believe it until he saw it, saw them, of course. But his reaction to the news had probably not gained him any points in Penny's favour either.

Furthermore, once Raj and Howard had found him in the third bar they had tried, they had somehow managed to convince him that Sheldon being married would be a good thing.

For one, maybe the gorgeous and smart grad students would flock to him instead, because of Sheldon's new off-the-market status.

And if the worst was true, and they really were married, maybe he could have Penny's apartment, and he'd be able to whistle whenever he wanted, and have girls over without giving twenty-four hour written notice.

That would be great.

He wouldn't have to hide his loofah anymore, or his blow dryer, and he'd be able to display his memorabilia wherever he wanted.

That could be fun.

What was going to be more fun though, was devising and executing an experiment to see if Penny and Sheldon were lying or not.

He smirked as he pressed send. With that one click of a button, invitations to an impromptu wedding reception, flew there way through miles of cable to the in-boxes of all Penny and Sheldon's nearest and dearest.

Asking them to be there for Sunday was a bit short notice, but from what he had seen of Mary Cooper, nothing would keep her away from seeing it with her own eyes (Praise Jesus the boy is finally married!) and Penny's Dad would no doubt come to find out what crazy thing his daughter had done now...

(Later:)

Sheldon sat on the bed staring at his laptop with a funny look on his face.

"Whats up?" Penny asked as she jumped up onto the bed and turned her laptop on. Though she had only been married to Sheldon, pretend and otherwise for just over twenty-four hours, she was already getting used to things.

Life with Sheldon was easier. It was planned. And while she knew she could run off and do something spontaneous whenever she wanted, it felt kind of nice to just be able to sit and relax and blow up trolls from Bulgaria.

He made the bed warm too, like a heated blanket. It was wonderful to crawl into a warm bed.

Sheldon turned his head to look at her, a blank look on his face. "My mother has just informed me, because she knows how much I hate surprises, that Leonard is throwing us a wedding reception on Sunday when we arrive home."

"Oh." Penny blinked, and leaned over to look at his laptop screen and read it for herself. "Ok."

"I assume if he invited my mother, that he probably also invited your parents."

"Yeah, probably." She looked up at him. "What's wrong?"

He cleared his throat. "Will your father really go rodeo on my ass?"

Penny smiled. "Not if you tell him that you have TWO doctorates."

"Oh." Sheldon looked relieved. "Alright then. It will be nice to see Meemaw."

"Oh is your grandma coming? I've always wanted to meet her."

"Of course." Sheldon smiled. "She's bringing me cookies."

Penny froze, and looked up at him hopefully.

"Will you share?"

Sheldon narrowed his eyes at her. "Only if you help me discover and outwit whichever diabolical plan Leonard is putting into motion."

"Easy." Penny nodded. "He's probably going to ask all sorts of questions, and try to convince people that we're not really married, and try to come out of it smelling like a rose."

Sheldon's eyebrow twitched as he booted up a new program. "You do know him well. I see we have the advantage then. I will come up with a detailed questionnaire, and we will discuss it, in say," he glanced at his watch. "Twenty minutes?"

"Deal." Penny nodded. "I'll come up with some questions too while I'm kicking French butt."

"Excellent." Sheldon muttered, already typing away...


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Sorry it's so short! I meant this one to be longer, but oh well!**

CH

Exactly twenty minutes later, Sheldon tapped penny on the shoulder.

"Are you ready to begin?"

Penny closed her laptop with a snap. "Yup!"

"Ok." Sheldon readied himself by scanning his questions one more time. "I believe the best way to go about this, is that we will take turns, and each of us also have to answer every question." He looked at Penny. "Do you agree?"

"You mean, for every question asked, we both have to give answers for it, as we would if we had gotten married on purpose."

"I just said that."

Penny rolled her eyes. "Let's start. You go first."

"Oooh, excellent!." Sheldon smiled, going to the top of his list. "How many offspring would you like to have one day?"

Penny blinked. "Um, I don't know, I guess, three?"

Sheldon nodded. "I prefer even numbers. Two or four. Of course, taking into account the amount of multiple births in my family, we may have no control over that."

Penny stared at the wall. Twins? Two mini-sheldons? Or more? Then she remembered Missy and relaxed. Maybe just one mini-sheldon and one mini-Penny. That would be ok. Actually, that would kind of cool, the girl could wear pigtails and those cute little sunglasses and the boy could...

"Penny?"

She gave a start. "Yeah?"

"Your turn."

"Oh," she straightened her shoulders. "Why do you love me?"

"You sing me soft kitty when I'm sick instead of running away like the others, among other things." He replied instantly without thinking about it.

Penny smirked. The guys were soooo busted.

"What about me?" Sheldon looked at his computer screen in great interest.

"You challenge me, and make me think, and want to learn, and you think I can do better in life than I have." She replied simply.

He looked up. "You can."

She smiled at him. "Your turn."

"Oh. Ok, what is your favourite position during coitus?"

She raised an eyebrow, "Remember we talked about that word?"

"Oh, right." He typed on his keyboard quickly, then re-read the question. "What is your favourite position during Intercourse?"

"Do you really think Leonard is going to ask that?"

"At some point, yes."

She shrugged. "I like to be on top."

"Ah yes."

"And you?"

He twitched. "While I have no practical experience beyond a rather embarrassing event with a girl from my hometown when I was seventeen, I have studied many texts on the subject and believe I might enjoy what the Kama Sutra refers to as the Creeping Vine."

"You've read the Kama Sutra?"

"Yes, in it's original form. Have you?"

"Just the English translation. Mine has pictures." She explained.

"Real pictures?"

She grinned. "Yup."

"Interesting." He paused, then scanned down his list again. "Do you shower after coi- Intercourse?"

Penny put her innocent face on... "Sometimes I even have intercourse IN the shower."

Sheldon licked his lips and swallowed. "Efficient!"

"Very." Penny nodded. "And you?"

"Again, as I have little practical experience..."

Penny glared at him.

"I did last time." He muttered.

"But would ALWAYS need a shower?" She pressed, "Or would it depend on the circumstances?"

Sheldon looked interested suddenly. "Such as?"

"Oh..." Penny spun a strand of hair around her finger quickly. "I don't know, I was just," she paused again, "theorizing."

"Where all have you had sex Penny?" Sheldon asked bluntly.

She bit her lip and spoke in a rush, "Elevators, bathrooms, closets, cars, trucks, motorhomes, houses, parks, hotels, beaches, lakes, pools, hot tubs, couches, floors, beds, kitchens, laundry rooms, back alleys and backstage?"

He thought for a moment. "I would shower as soon as possible after Elevators, bathrooms, cars, trucks, beaches, pools, lakes and floors. I suppose I could allow a resonable amount of time to lapse after having sex in parks, hotels, couches, closets, beds, my kitchen, the laundry room, and backstage."

"And the others?" Penny blinked in amazement.

Sheldon shook his head. "I will never have sex in a hot tub or back alley. Do you have any idea the amount of germs?" He shuddered.

"Darn and I was really thinking that with your hearing, sex in public without getting caught would be so doable!" Penny said, half sarcastically.

He tsked. "Parks ARE public places Penny."

She looked at him with her mouth slightly open.

There was not even a hint of a forthcoming bzinga.

But there was a definate twinkle in his eye when he glanced at her.

"Penny?"

"Yes?"

"It's your turn to ask a question."


	16. Chapter 16

CH

Penny bit her lip. This question stuff had gone on long enough, at least for the moment. "Sheldon, I'm not the kind of person who cheats."

He inclined his head, his eyes still on his screen. "I'm aware. I also despise cheating."

Penny nodded, and reached over, closing his laptop. "Sheldon, you need to know, that if we decide to stay married, I'm not going to cheat on you." She repeated. "You should also know that I'm not going to go the rest of my life being responsible for my own orgasms." She quoted Leonard's mom. "Are you prepared to deal with that? With the, physical aspects of a relationship?"

"That's two questions." He hedged.

When she didn't reply he shot her a glance out of the corner of his eye and sighed heavily. He'd been hoping to delay this conversation for at least another week, but apparently it was not to be. "Penny." His fingers twitched convulsively, "I am aware that you are not homo novus, and will require some physical and emotional stimulation from me. I have considered this, and I find that the idea does not," he paused, choosing his words carefully, "it is not unappealing."

Penny blinked. "When did you consider that?" Since they had arrived she'd barely had time to adjust let alone think that much. She hadn't even turned her cell phone back on, she probably had a hundred messages...

He looked surprised. "When I first met you."

"Wait." Penny held up a hand. "You've been thinking about this for YEARS?"

There was a snort. "Of course not. Deciding whether or not I was attracted to you took mere seconds, not years. I could not deny the physical response you cause in me, nor the idea that unlike all other persons of our species I have had the dubious pleasure of meeting, the idea of actually exchanging bodily fluids with you was not repulsive."

Penny leaned back on her pillow with her arms crossed on her chest, a look on her face that plainly said she was thinking.

He didn't find her repulsive.

What a back handed comment that was.

And yet, in normal person speak he had said that she was the ONLY person he'd ever been attracted to. That was something really rare, and special. To be the only person...

"You wern't even attracted to the person you had sex with?" She frowned.

He shook his head. "It was merely an exercise to satisfy my curiosity about the reproductive process, though I made sure that I was adequately protected so that actual reproduction would not occur. When the first time was unsatisfactory, I tried again the next year with someone else, it was also a failure."

"Sheldon, you're supposed to lose your virginity to someone that you really like, that you have feelings for." Penny whispered.

He looked puzzled. "But I had never met anyone I had "feelings" for, and did not consider it likely."

"Then why did you do it?"

He looked at her like she had suddenly sprouted a third nostril. "To see if I could."

Penny pressed her hands to her face to hide her smile. He might seem more robot than human most of the time, but sometimes, sometimes he was just... It was indescribable. "And, could you?"

"I succeeded both times in "getting off" as Wolowitz says, but I was filled neither with joy or awe, and had no desire to repeat the process or see the girl again."

"So, you're not, opposed to staying married to me." Penny replied shrewdly. She knew his non-reaction was a little odd, but had assumed that with the symposium being so important to him that he just hadn't fully processed it and didn't really care either way, until he got home.

Sheldon shrugged. "I am 29 years old, and you are the first and only person I have ever been sexually attracted to, and one of the only females I actually like," He paused, "Make that people, I actually like. The idea of spending the rest of my life as your husband is not unappealing." He tapped the closed laptop restlessly. "It also solves the problem of my mother harping on me to settle down, and also the problem of producing offspring in which to carry my superior genes into the future, not to mention the problem of the grad students, though I will miss the free food."

Penny stared at him. "You're so romantic."

"Sarcasm?"

"Yup."

"You asked."

She nodded. "I did." Truthfully, she'd been attracted to him from the start as well, only he'd seemed so distant, and then that not touching thing, and his reluctance to include her in his circle... She now saw that it was because he was dealing with something most people dealt with in elementary school, physical attraction, crushes, your best friend stealing the one you like... It had been years now, and he still liked her, that meant something, right?

Her mind drifted to the kiss they had shared for the photos, and then again on the dock, and how her pulse had quickened. The cat was so alive it was tearing holes in the box.

She also had parents who were harping on her to get married. Not a good reason to get married, or stay married in their case, but maybe, just maybe. "Sheldon, what if we arn't sexually compatible?"

He frowned. "What on earth do you mean?"

"Well, um, frequency, or I don't know." Her voice faded. "What if I'm too much for you?"

His eyebrow shot up. "What if I'm too much for YOU?"

She narrowed her eyes. "I guess there is only one way to find out."


	17. Chapter 17

CH

He was an animal. There was no two ways around it, once thoughts of germs were shoved to the back of his head, once he allowed himself to touch her, really touch her, and not have to worry about propriety or the others finding out that he harboured feelings for her, about the teasing he was sure would have resulted, he set about proving that not only was she not too much for him, but that he could handle anything she dished out.

And there was nothing Penny liked more than a little friendly competition.

She and Sheldon had always been that way, when one pushed, the other pushed back harder, testing limits, seeing how far the other would go before conceding defeat... And tonight, neither of them were willing to settle for anything less than full out war.

Sheldon had logic on his side, his knowledge of physics, the ability to remember every word he'd read in every book about sex that he had searched out both when he was fifteen and when Penny had showed up at his apartment building, boxes in hand, all little denim shorts and long blonde hair and a smile that made the world alright, a set of ethics that matched his own.

Her fighting spirit was one of the best things about her as far as he was concerned.

She challenged him, and it made him feel. Really feel.

Penny had a different kind of knowledge, and a wealth of experience on her side. She knew what she liked, she knew what men liked, and she knew Sheldon, better than anyone except his family.

When he informed her that she wasn't going to win, because he'd been reading extensively on the subject at age 15, she snorted and licked at trail up the side of his neck, nibbling on his ear as she told him that she'd been reading hardcore romance novels since the age of eleven, and dry science publications had nothing on heart stopping, stomach dropping, smut.

It was then she discovered that proper Sheldon liked it very much when she talked dirty. He liked it even more when she called him Doctor.

She was considering early victory when he showed her what else his physics scrawling, piano playing fingers could do...

He noticed everything, and he'd always found her fascination with watching his hands interesting, now he felt a glimmer of triumph when her eyes rolled up in her head and she moved against him.

Again and again that night, they declared a tie, until she introduced him to the shower and got down on her knees. His back against the tile, he declared momentary defeat, he would have declared anything, just so she didn't STOP.

He made sure to get her back later.

The next few day went by in a blur, meetings, conferences, lectures, all prim and proper in public except for glance here and a touch there, and then once the door was shut, it was ON.

He had a lot of lost time to make up for.

She was determined to keep up.

They both knew once they got home, it would not be so easy. Work, life, Leonard, all would interfere, but instinctively they both knew they could make it work. They would not allow it not to.

The drive home was quiet, Sheldon slept most of the way. When they pulled into the parking lot of their apartment building, they immediately noticed the increase of cars, the Texas and Nebraska licence plates adorning them.

Holding hands they made their way up the stairs.

Against each other they were formidable. When they teamed up, they were a force nothing could reckon with.

He opened the door to his apartment, and they stepped inside, into the middle of a party. Together they stood, eyebrows raised, waiting to get noticed.

Their relatives appeared to be having a great time, there was music and drinks and food being passed around. Penny raised her eyes to Sheldon and stood to whisper in his ear. "You wanna back out and go over to my place and get carnal?"

An evil smile grew on his face as he looked down at her. She grinned back and pulled him back through the door, over to her place, locking the door behind them, before Sheldon took her in his arms and leaned her back against it...

The only person who noticed their departure was Leonard as he came out of the bathroom. He'd seen her whisper, he'd seen the smile they shared and by the look they had shared. He knew what that was. Hunger.

And something else too. Like they couldn't get enough of each other.

He sighed. He didn't need to ask any questions to know that Penny would never be his, had never really been his. He didn't even need to ask if they were really married.

It didn't matter.

They were happy.

As his eyes scanned around the room at the people he'd brought together, his eye was caught by a short girl, sitting in the corner, a cute red dress and curly blonde hair. She was staring at his white board with an awed look on her face.

He walked over, curious. "Do you like it?"

She tilted her head. "I don't know what it is."

"It's an equation." He sighed. "I'm trying to figure out how much energy it would take to blow up an asteroid heading to earth."

The girl reached out and grabbed him by the shirt, her eyes on his. "Like... BOOM?"

He stared at her and nodded slowly, watching a grin cover her face.

"I LOVE it when things go Boom." Her grip was like iron. "Do you have lasers?"

He smiled. "Lots."

Her eyes lit up. "Show me."

Across the room Howard and Raj watched silently.

"Huh. I guess his perfect match isn't a little old lady in the poorest part of China after all." Howard commented.

Raj just nodded and took a sip of the drink Missy handed him.

"Its alcoholic." She said, her fingers crossed behind her back. "Can you talk to me now?"

"Thank you." He smiled at her.

Howard rolled his eyes and smiled as Bernadette tiptoed into the apartment. "Sorry I'm late," She whispered, "We had a small issue at the lab, but don't worry, I washed my hands."

**AN: The End! I would have loved to make it longer, but with xmas and company coming I won't be able to write for a little while, and I wanted this finished so I didn't leave you all hanging over the holidays. .. I hope you enjoyed the story!**


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